It was 1973. In January, Roe v. Wade made abortion legal in Pennsylvania. It was the year I graduated from high school. It was a year away from me becoming a Christian. The sexual revolution was in full swing. There was no fear of AIDs and STDs were easily cured with antibiotics. The pill promoted promiscuity, but now everyone had a safety net.
Through the years I have always thanked God for His grace in keeping me from abortion. However, I am not sinless. My close friend became pregnant in our senior year of high school. She didn’t know what to do. We didn’t know what to do. Neither she nor her boyfriend had money. I did. I paid for her abortion. I went with her to the clinic. I encouraged her that she was doing the right thing. The room was full of girls/women all looking for answers. There were pamphlets referring to "the fetus" and "products of conception". There was no instruction, no alternatives were mentioned. An hour later it was all over, the easy way out.
That day in my life was grey. Cloudy, nebulous, rain-soaked, grey. I knew deep down that this “procedure” was wrong but I wanted to help my friend. She couldn't get birth control pills because she was a minor. No problem getting the abortion, however. Six months later she came to me again. This time I refused to help. Her boyfriend paid the second time. The third time, they got married. I lost touch and don’t know if their union survived, but at least that child did. I wonder how many of us, how many of you, have been touched by the grey fingers that promote death in our culture.
And now, almost 40 years from that bleak January day, we continue to do battle. We can pray, volunteer at the Women’s Choice Network (http://www.mypregnancycenter.org/) talk to our friends and family to promote a culture of life for all - including the unborn. Any ideas? How can we impact our neighborhoods? How can we save the 8,000 babies who are aborted in Allegheny County every year? I would love to hear your thoughts or experiences.
Leslie Rich
Allegheny Center Alliance Church
Nursery Director
- Mood:
grateful
The book of Nehemiah is chock full of amazing leadership lessons for anyone to glean wisdom from. Nehemiah was a man who cared about his people, loved the name and fame of God and he was a man who was willing to stand in the gap. Leaders who go out of their way to stand in the gap for others shows not only humility but a deep concern for people over production, which when we study the Bible as a whole we see is the very heart of God. God cares more about our hearts than he does our behavior and Nehemiah was a man who cared for the people.
Leaders care about their people (Nehemiah 1:2-3)
“… that Hanani, one of my brothers, came with certain men from Judah. And I asked them concerning the Jews who escaped, who had survived the exile, and concerning Jerusalem. And they said to me, ‘The remnant there in the province who had survived the exile is in great trouble and shame. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates are destroyed by fire’” (Nehemiah 1:2-3 ESV).
Nehemiah took the time out of his life to ask how things were going in his home country. He was a cupbearer who was living off of the luxury and dollar of the king, he didn’t need anything from the people of Israel, but he cared enough to ask how they were and how things were going. In his book Be Determined, Warren Wiersbe says:
“Why would Nehemiah inquire about a struggling remnant of people who lived hundreds of miles away? After all, he was the king’s cupbearer and he was successfully secure in his own life. Certainly it wasn’t his fault that his ancestors had sinned against the Lord and brought judgment to the city of Jerusalem and the kingdom of Judah. … Nehemiah was the man God had chosen to do those very things (Wiersbe, 1996, p. 14)!
In Nehemiah, we see a man who cared about others. He set his own life aside and jumped in with his life to help his people rebuild the wall. Nehemiah didn’t need to ask about the people, he simply had a natural inclination towards caring about his people. As Warren points out here, Nehemiah’s life was set. Nehemiah didn’t need anyone or anything, much less the need to worry about other people. Many people, left to themselves if they were in a similar situation as Nehemiah would’ve sluffed off the worry about other people and would’ve lived their lives in manner unto themselves.
This is a great attribute of a good leader. If we are leader of people and do not care about our people and we simply live our leadership life to get ahead for ourselves, we stop being a leader and start being a dictator. Our early picture of Nehemiah shows the type of leader he will show himself to be: one who cares deeply for others.
Leaders pray (Nehemiah 1:4)
As soon as I heard these words I sat down and wept and mourned for days, and I continued fasting and praying before the God of heaven. (Nehemiah 1:4 ESV)
Nehemiah doesn’t simply care for people and leave it there; he goes before the almighty God on their behalf! He prays for them and enters into their pain with them, even though he himself is not really near it. This shows the heart of a leader who is willing to stand in the gap for his people! Great leaders (spiritual or not), if they believe in Jesus Christ should be praying leaders. If we claim that Jesus is our “all in all” yet we don’t ask Him to assist us and those we lead we are simply giving lip-service to a faith that has now bearing in our real life. That may sound harsh but I think it’s true and the sad fact is that in the American church, a praying pastor is something that is lacking. That is poor leadership that makes no sense at all: a spiritual leader who is supposed to lead people towards a deeper faith and knowledge of God spends little to no time with the Lord? How is that possible to then lead people to God?
This is what Wilkes, in his book Jesus on Leadership would call “and act of submission” and the first step towards servant leadership. Wilkes says: “Submission to God and to the divine mission for your life is the first step to servant leadership” (pg. 22). Nehemiah by praying was seeking the best of others, not himself. When we pray as leaders, we are seeking what God would have us do for Him and for His people, not ourselves. When we lead in this way, we are acting as Jesus did in the capacity of servant leaders.
Nehemiah didn’t just stop at a simple prayer either; he stood in the gap for the people. He sought their best and asked God to forgive them their sins.
Leaders Intercede for others (Nehemiah 1:6)
“Let your ear be attentive and your eyes open, to hear the prayer of your servant that I now pray before you day and night for the people of Israel your servants, confessing the sins of the people of Israel, which we have sinned against you. Even I and my father’s house have sinned” (Nehemiah 1:6 ESV).
Nehemiah cared enough to not only do a simple prayer for them, but like a priest he interceded for them before God. He went to the Living God and asked Him for mercy upon the people. Leaders care enough to pray for their people in this way. This type of praying for leaders can go a long way with their leadership not only because it trains them to become better prayers but also because it helps them to be tenderer towards the people they lead. There is always a need for a harsh word spoken in love for sure, but there is also a time for tender intercession where we as leaders seek God’s forgiveness of them. While reading this idea of leadership from Nehemiah, I am struck with the reality that I rarely do this for my people. I am convicted by Nehemiah’s example and desire to be a leader who intercedes for the people I lead!
Nehemiah was also claiming the promise from 1 Kings 8:29; 2 Chron. 7:14 that God would be attentive to the prayers of His people. Warren Wiersbe in his book Be Determined says:
“The greater part of Nehemiah’s prayer was devoted to confession of sin (1:6–9). The God who promised blessing and chastening also promised forgiveness if His people would repent and turn back to Him (Deut. 30; 1 Kings 8:31–53). It was this promise that Nehemiah was claiming as he prayed for himself and the nation. God’s eyes are upon His people and His ears are open to their prayers (1 Kings 8:29; 2 Chron. 7:14)”. (Wiersbe, 1996, pp. 17-18)
Again, I feel like this all comes back to the idea of “Servant Leadership” which Wilkes talks about. Nehemiah was humbling himself before God and going before Him on their behalf. He wasn’t caring about himself or what others thought of him, he was simply reaching out to the Almighty God for the people. I like what Wilkes says in his book: “As long as leaders are worried about who sits at the head table, they have little time for the people they are called to serve” (p. 36). This was a statement about not caring how important you are as a leader but how important the people are you are leading. As leaders, we must put the people we serve ahead of ourselves.
Marv Nelson
Pastor of Young Adults
A woman entered the divorce lawyer’s office and sat down. The lawyer asked her what he could do for her, and she said she wanted a divorce from her husband. The lawyer said, “This is a serious act, you know. And in this state, you must claim some grounds in order to divorce.” The woman looked somewhat stunned, but regained her composure and replied, “Well, we do live on about 2 acres of grounds; is that enough?”
The lawyer paused, then smiled slightly while clarifying, “I didn’t mean it quite that way. You need to have some grudge to claim.” The woman looked even more confused. She responded, “We have a two-car garage on our house, but I don’t see what that has to do with a divorce claim.”
The lawyer didn’t smile this time. He simply continued, “Look, you must have a reason. For instance, is he cheating, or does he ever beat you?” The woman seemed to respond to these examples as she quickly replied, “Yes! He beats me constantly in our card games. He is a sneaky card shark, and he always wins—which means he gets out of our bet for him to put the kids to bed. I’m sure he’s cheating, but I just can’t prove it.”
Exasperated, the lawyer blurted out, “Alright, just tell me why you want a divorce.” The woman sat back, crossed her arms, and smugly stated, “Because he just can’t communicate!”
The really funny part about this is that we are all just like that woman—at least to some degree. We communicate from and to our own perspectives. Words that sound exact to us have different nuances or meanings to others. We hear, see, sense, and feel through our own filters of gender, experiences, personality, age, and feelings, among countless other variables. In short, we expect that our understanding during communication is the same as the others’ with whom we are communicating, but this is never fully true. I have witnessed countless arguments between two people who actually agree but don’t even realize it because they are not communicating well! And I have witnessed just as often two people who thought they agreed, yet found later that one’s understanding was totally different than the other’s understanding. The context of marriage is full of such miscommunications. And yes, I have been one of these people at times.
Have you ever known someone who thinks they are a good communicator, yet most everyone who knows them thinks otherwise? Think of the numerous people who have claimed to hear from God, yet the words and directions that they claimed to have received fly in the face of His character and Word and serve only to inflate their egos (let alone wreaking havoc and destruction in the world). The Bible does tell us that the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, then asks, “Who can know it?” (Jer 17:9) We do tend to fool ourselves, and there are no exceptions except for Jesus.
Why is communication so vital? First, God communicates to us, or else we would never know Him. He speaks to us specifically through His written and living Word (Jesus), and generally through all of His creation. His Spirit speaks with words that cannot be uttered, and He calls us to pray. Second, He calls us to speak to each other in love, with words of edification and grace, and with words of warning, teaching, and exhortation.
What about communication in your marriage? Are you willing to take a look at how you communicate and admit that it can always stand some improvement? We’ll look at this over the next few postings. I will highlight some common areas of concern in communications and give some tips and pointers to try. I hope to keep it somewhat light reading so that you can employ these things easily, but there will also be some heavier material involved at times.
So for next time, take an honest evaluation of yourself. Is there anyone exactly like you in the world? (The correct answer is “no”.) That means that you have a unique communication style. Then meditate on Biblical passages about communicating (hint- listening is a major part of communicating), and ask God for direction on how to follow and apply His Word to your life. A short list of Scriptures is included here.
The next time we will discuss hearing and listening.
Peace and blessings!
Dan & Donna McHugh
Allegheny Center Alliance Church
Pre-Marital Counseling Coordinators
As I started the New Year, I felt a change coming over me. I wanted to get in shape (I am turning 50 this year!). I wanted to really get in touch with my husband (we have been married 31 years). Now that we are completely empty nesters, and I really don’t relish it like some people do. I want to fall in love with him all over again. In doing this, we have started doing ‘Know the Word’ together. We take turns every other day with the bible reading and Dr. Soper’s words. He reads one night, and I read the next. For years he has been asking me to do devotions with him, and I was always reluctant for unknown reasons, even to me. I guess it was a little rebellion on my part. Anyhow, we are now getting in sync and getting into the word.
We have also joined a gym, trying to get fit before we hit the big 5-0. It didn’t take us 2 or 3 months to put on all the weight we have gained over the y-e-a-r-s, so I expect this to be a marathon and not a sprint. We are enjoying doing all these things and I am so thankful that the Lord is moving me in a new direction.
If you are looking for a way to develop a closer relationship with someone you love, whether it is your spouse or best friend, consider doing ‘Know the Word’ together. It is a great way to get the Bible read and hear Dr. Soper’s thoughts on the subject matter you have just read. In two years, you will have read the entire Bible from start to finish. It only takes perhaps a half hour a day to do KTW. We do this in the evening as we both work and have our time after we eat our supper, before the TV comes on.
If this is something that would interest you, you can access ‘Know the Word’ online @www.acac/knowtheword. The password is <acacktw>. If you have trouble accessing this, please give me a call here at church ,and I will be happy to help you.
Have a great new year and I pray you will consider ‘Know the Word’.
Until next time,
Lydia Burger
Admin. Asst., Growth Groups
Of course we are all a product of the sum of our experiences and the way that the Holy Spirit arranges and orchestrates those experiences into the person that He intends us to be. I am grateful for the leadership that Sheldon demonstrates. He is clearly a tactical person who is a product of his many years of military and police training. I am certain that Sheldon knows the value of preparation. We would be foolish to attempt to go into warfare without learning all that we can of our enemy and his tactics and strategy. We would be equally foolish to go to battle with unfamiliar weapons that we have not trained for.
In reflecting on these matters I was reminded of a quote by A.W. Tozer the great author and pastor whom God used to lead the C&MA. It comes from one of his books written in 1959, Born After Midnight. In this book Tozer speaks of the ultimate preparation for all of life and all of battle: The infilling of His Holy Spirit. We have the greatest power in the universe and the greatest gifts in the universe available to us if we only choose to seek them. About revival and a Fresh Filling of the Holy Spirit Tozer writes:
"there is considerable truth in the idea that revivals are born after midnight, for revivals (or any other spiritual gifts and graces) come only to those who want them badly enough. It may be said without qualification that every man is as holy and as full of the Spirit as he wants to be. He may not be as full as he wishes he were, but he is most certainly as full as he wants to be. Our Lord placed this beyond dispute when He said, "Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled." Hunger and thirst are physical sensations which, in their acute stages, may become real pain. It has been the experience of countless seekers after God that when their desires became a pain they were suddenly and wonderfully filled. The problem is not to persuade God to fill us, but to want God sufficiently to permit Him to do so. The average Christian is so cold and so contented with His wretched condition that there is no vacuum of desire into which the blessed Spirit can rush in satisfying fullness.
Occasionally there will appear on the religious scene a man whose unsatisfied spiritual longings become so big and important in his life that they crowd out every other interest. Such a man refuses to be content with the safe and conventional prayers of the frost- bound brethren who "lead in prayer week after week and year after year in the local assemblies. His yearnings carry him away and often make something of a nuisance out of him. His puzzled fellow Christians shake their heads and look knowingly at each other, but like the blind man who cried after his sight and was rebuked by the disciples, he "cries the more a great deal." And if he has not yet met the conditions or there is something hindering the answer to his prayer, he may pray on into the late hours. Not the hour of night but the state of his heart decides the time of his visitation. For him it may well be that revival comes after midnight"
We here at ACAC are longing for revival and renewed power to minister and impact all of Pittsburgh and the world with the Gospel of Christ. This cannot happen with our weak power and human giftings. This will only happen by the power of the Holy Spirit. I don't think that revival happens with quick prayers tossed at God while we are running out the door on our way to our work, or play or our next church meeting. We will find it as we seek it as a precious jewel.
I urge you to make prayer and a longing after Christ an intentional part of your daily discipline. As we pray and are continually being filled with His Holy Spirit, we become dangerous in the sight of our enemy. "Be ye Filled with the Hoy Spirit", Paul the Apostle. "Every man is as full of the Holy Spirit as he wants to be." Tozer
Blessings,
Glenn Hanna
Missions Pastor
Allegheny Center Alliance Church
• How we’ve traveled in the past doesn't dictate how we travel in the future (Galatians 5:16).
We all start our journey on the path of self-reliance; the ability to walk in submission to God’s Spirit doesn’t come naturally; it requires a miracle. Once that’s occurred, we can choose a different form of travel. We can follow God's methods. Prior to his encounter with Jesus the thief had taken matters in his own hands. When he put himself in God’s hands everything changed.
As you progress through the bundle of opportunities we’ll refer to as Year 2012 I offer one last thought;
• There are no perfect trips (John 16:33).
The path to Paradise for the repentant thief wasn’t easy! He still suffered an agonizing and slow death. Every trip has ups and downs - big problems and little irritations - no matter how much we trust God. But we don’t have to live in frustration.
• Frustration comes from expecting a smooth trip and then arguing with life.
Remember, the best life still awaits us! We aren’t home yet! If we want too much, too soon, we miss what we already have.
The story of the penitent thief offers hope for world-weary people. It reminds us the pains of our past and problems of our present yield to the power of God when faith calls on Him. It invites us to discover,
• Our biggest disappointment can become our divine appointment. (Revelation 21:5)
Where you arrive at the end of 2012 really is up to you. If you trust God and follow Him you will be amazed at what He can do.
New topic next week; stay tuned!
Grace and Peace,
Pastor Rock, Lead Pastor
Allegheny Center Alliance Church
Be sure you know the condition of your flocks, give careful attention to your herds; for riches do not endure forever. – Proverbs 27:23,24a
You don’t need a degree in finance to know how to add up your assets and liabilities, or to get a handle on your cash flow. What is the average balance in your checking account? How much do you have in savings? Do you have equity in your home? Do you have investments in CDs, bonds, real estate, mutual funds, other securities or interest in a business? Now, what are your debts—credit card balance, car loan, mortgage, student loans, business loan. The sum of the pluses (assets) reduced by the minuses (debts) will reveal your net worth.
Maybe you avoid this balance sheet calculation because it is too depressing. The Bible gives a name to that choice for ignorance: foolishness. You may find momentary comfort in ignoring the big picture, but you will eventually be the helpless victim of adversity. Without accurate information on your financial condition, it is impossible to make prudent lifestyle and spending choices. In the day of trouble, you may find yourself without reserves, without defenses.
“But, David, isn’t it a mark of faith to trust in God to meet all my needs?” Certainly faith should spare us from much fear and worry. But relying upon God’s provision without heeding God’s wisdom is tempting God (Luke 4:9-12). God may provide a harvest of blessing today that is meant to cover your need during days of scarcity ahead. Be sure to distinguish between faith and presumption (James 4:13-16).
When it was revealed that Egypt would experience seven years of abundance followed by seven years of famine (Genesis 41:25-36), belief that this prophecy was from God dictated a plan—a plan for saving and not extravagance during the years of abundance, in order to be prepared for the years of famine. God provided, but he did it in advance.
Wise stewardship decisions depend upon accurate information. What can you afford to spend? What would represent generous giving in your case? How much should you be saving or investing each month? It is impossible to wisely answer those questions unless you are watching your balance sheet. Know the condition of your flocks, give careful attention to your herds.
Father, forgive me for money choices made in ignorance. I want to be faithful and wise in handling the resources you provide. I know, now, that wise choices require that I be fully aware of my condition. Help me to recognize the difference between trusting and presuming. Thank you for being so good to me, and so patient.
David Baynes, ACAC Elder & C&MA Gift Planner
Please post your comments to this blog. For confidential inquiry, write baynesd@cmalliance.org
The amazing benefits of drinking water are numerous, so numerous that I decided to post them elsewhere so as not to clog up our ACAC Threads blog! You can view them here. You can also read about the symptoms of dehydration here.
I’ll end with some easy tips on how to increase your water intake, but first, take two minutes to measure the ounces of your drinking glasses and cups at home. You’d be surprised by how little 8 oz. really is. A couple big gulps is all... and secondly, be gradual. Again, I don’t want you beating yourself up because you couldn’t go from no water a day to 60 oz. a day overnight. Build up to it.
- How much should you drink? Make it easy – drink the standard 64 oz. a day or half your weight in ounces (if you exercise, you’ll want to drink more). Don’t stress yourself out, just drink!
- Start your day off with a quick 8 oz. glass of water. Before I drink my first cup of coffee, I have a small 8 oz. glass of ice cold water. It gets your blood flowing (and your metabolism).
- Make it a point to take all pills and vitamins with water and water only (versus coffee, etc.). I drink a good 1/3 of my daily water intake this way.
- The best thing I ever did to increase my water intake was install the free application “Water Your Body” on my phone. Not only is it easy to keep track of how much water I’ve drank, it reminds me to drink by making the sound of pouring water! There are several applications out there for drinking water; Water Your Body (by Northpark) is just the one I like best. You can also set reminders on your Outlook or phone if you don’t have an app phone.
- Keep a Brita or PUR pitcher on your desk, in your break room, and in your fridge. You can also buy filtrated water bottles to carry with you throughout the day. We ladies in ACAC Operations have a Brita in our office and in the break room, plus at home. You have to make drinking water convenient.
- You can drink filtered, spring, distilled, purified water, and a little bit of herbal tea. Caffeine prevents water from traveling in your body so it is definitely out. Sodas and flavored waters don’t count because the point in drinking water is to cleanse your body of junk, not add more to it. Room temperature or chilled, drink what you like best.
- Soak your favorite fruits in water and the essence of the fruit will flavor the water.
- Have another glass of water before you go to bed. It helps your body replenish while you sleep.
Lastly, whenever you drink water, remember this Scripture, “For with you is the fountain of life;” (Ps. 36:9). Think of Jesus, our living water. Picture the water washing away impurities, “On that day a fountain will be opened ... to cleanse them from sin and impurity.” (Zech. 13:1).
Thanks for reading and see you in two weeks for quick and easy lifestyle changes!
I am not a professional in the matters of health and nutrition. I merely have an interest in matters relating to health and nutrition and am choosing to share this information. This article is not to be used as a substitute to medical advice and does not take into account the specific health status of its readers. Before starting any nutrition or exercise program, you should always check with your own health care provider.
Sermon January 21/22
Pastor Rock
God wrote a book, and it says some remarkable things about your existence, including these words; /
Psalm 139: 13, 14 – You wove me in my mother’s womb…I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
- Years ago the Country Gazette in Franklin, Massachusetts had this listing in its classifieds: "Unknown item for sale. We know it’s valuable; we don’t know what it is. If you can identify it, we’ll sell it for $250." How strange is that?! The sellers had no idea what the item was but realized that someone who knew its identity would recognize its value. I share that story because in our increasingly secular culture of death,
1. God’s people should know the identity and recognize the value of human life. Because it’s revealed in God’s Word. Today we’ll consider some passages that should inform our concepts and guide our conduct regarding human life. The first comes from the ancient book of Job. It declares, "Your hands fashioned and made me altogether." The Hebrew word "fashioned" denotes intense effort in something vitally important. So,
2. God’s fingerprints are upon us in the womb. Our earliest development is vitally important to Him. (Job 10: 8-11) Those who contend we don’t have value or don’t begin to become fully human until birth contradict God’s testimony.
- Our second Scripture comes from Psalm 139 where David stated, "You formed my inward parts." The Hebrew "formed" speaks of ownership.
3. God’s fingerprints mark His property. The unborn belong to Him.
(Psalm 139:13) The argument, "I have a right to do whatever I want with my baby" is based on an entirely false premise. Additionally, the Hebrew "inward parts" denotes our thoughts and emotions - our souls. So
4. Our souls are present in the womb and belong to God. (Psalms 139 and 51) When Mary visited John the Baptist’s mother Elizabeth the unborn John leaped for joy in his mother's womb at Mary’s announcement of the Messiah. An unborn child sensed the presence of his Creator. That’s a tough act for mindless tissue!
- In Psalm 51 David stated, "In sin my mother conceived me." He wasn’t suggesting the act of conception was sin; he meant his soul was present from the beginning and it carried the same inclination towards sin that infects us all. But he also spoke of, "the days that were ordained for me, when as yet, there was not one of them." Those words join our next text in telling us,
5. God has a purpose for us prior to birth and knows our potential. (Psalm 139; Jeremiah 1). He informed Jeremiah, "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you." God saw the unborn Jeremiah as an individual with a specific identity. God also said, "Before you were born, I appointed you a prophet." Prior to birth, God saw Jeremiah as possessing a specific destiny. God never sees the unborn as nothing more than dispensable fetal tissue!
- Our final two passages tell us Jesus died for all humanity - even for those who do not accept His death or participate in His life. Therefore,
6. The cross reveals the value of our souls - not our capacities. All human life is valuable to God. (1 Timothy 2:6; 1 John 2:2) The fact God in Jesus elected to die for the human race indicates the incredible value and sacred nature of human life.
- Today I’ve intentionally avoided scientific, logical, and anecdotal arguments in defense of life because,
7. In matters of human life we either submit to God’s Word as the final, infallible authority or make God small and ourselves large by determining our own ways. Oddly enough, we can learn much about life from history’s first murder. It didn’t occur because of irreconcilable political theories or competing economies but because of differing responses to God! Cain refused to submit to God, choosing instead to enthrone himself. Once he started down that path rejection of the sanctity of human life was inevitable. That’s why God describes murder as an attack upon His image and a denial of our spiritual essence. Today much of modern society follows Cain and in the process robs itself of common sense and contentment. As Ravi Zacharias observed, "Rebellion that sees no sanctity in life's essence is a constant state of mind bespeaking a heart that will never be satisfied." In similar vein I’d suggest,
8. Rebellious hearts can never find satisfaction because they can’t shake their earliest memories of God’s fingerprints upon them. (Ecclesiastes 3:11) That’s why even atheists grieve at headlines of genocide: we can’t completely silence the still, small voice that says life is sacred. The testimony of Gods’ Word is clear;
9. The fingerprints of the Holy are upon life from conception, making it sacred. Life is God’s gift to be treasured - not a problem to be solved. As a postscript let me say two things. First, as God’s people declare and defend God’s truth regarding life we must do so with both humility and moral courage, for
10. Truth absent humility sounds like self-righteousness, and humility absent truth sounds like an echo of unbelief. Second, if you have either aborted a child or encouraged someone to do so but have since come to Jesus or repented, remember
11. The fingerprints of God’s grace hide the record of your sin. (Hebrews 10:17; John 1:7) When God deletes a file He doesn’t retrieve it!
First of all, I want to encourage you to read the comments on my last post. There are some really great thoughts there. One of my goals for my first post on this topic was to get us all to realize/accept/admit/affirm that none of us has all the answers, especially definitive answers. There is room for growth in each of us on this issue. No matter who we are, where we are in this journey, what path we have chosen as mothers, we can continue to aspire to greatness, to fulfilling our roles as mothers in even better, even more creative, even more God-honoring ways. Whether we work or not isn't the end-all and be-all.
Now on to the topic of this post: The Decision
Spoiler Alert: My husband and I made the decision that I would stay home. I'd like to share a little of that story, in a narrative-sort of way, not a "thus sayeth the Lord"-sort of way. Translation: you working moms, you can put down your weapons.
I come from a very interesting line of women - very educated, very accomplished, very "liberated," as was the catchword of my twenties. Not only my mother, but both my grandmothers and even my great-grandmother (who I knew very well; she lived until I was 20) had at least one college degree. My great-grandmother supported her family when her blacksmith husband lost his career. One of my grandmothers married and immediately set sail for China with her missionary husband. There she bore and raised three children, all the while living in the middle of a ticking political time bomb. My other grandmother, who I was very close to, taught special needs classes, raised three children spaced over 19 years, and maintained a huge garden which provided food for her family, and beautiful roses for her home. My mother stayed at home while my sister and I were pre-schoolers, then taught school while earning her masters degree at night, went on to support and train teaching professionals, and now writes children's literature.... These are women of strength and courage, doing great things with their lives - in and out of their homes. They have each inspired me; they've inspired me to give it my all in life. The question for me was just how to live that out, how to choose a path, and how many paths.
I myself, at age 25, had a BA in psychology with a minor in art, a second degree in education, and an MA in art psychotherapy. I'd been married two years, and had worked in a psychiatric hospital with adolescents. ..... And, but, I also suddenly had twin babies, as suddenly as nine months gestation allows, anyway. They came at the worst possible time for Lou and me.
Our grand plan at that point had been for me to be bring home some bacon while Lou worked to get a business off the ground. We learned I was pregnant mere days after we had both left our salaried positions and moved back to Pittsburgh to implement the plan. I was already on second interviews and felt close to landing a job, which was a good thing because it was the early 80s: Almost as soon as we'd made the decision to start this new life, the bottom began to drop out of the steel industry in Pittsburgh, which was Lou's marketplace. At least three large mills shut their doors for good. Within the space of four weeks, this was our life: we moved back, found out we were expecting, Lou learned he'd only be able to net a few hundred dollars a month*, I was hospitalized for severe dehydration, only to learn it was twins. ... Haha - yes. The winter of 1985 still cracks me up.
Still, we made the decision that I would be a stay-at-home mom. Or rather, it's more accurate to say that we stuck with that decision, even though it seemed crazy at the time.
We had made the decision early in our marriage, after some interesting discussion. Lou's mom had stayed at home. He'd always loved that she had. It was easy to see how it'd been good for him, especially in his teen years. So, he'd always wanted that for his family. Still, he wasn't so sure it was the right path for me. He was afraid of "keeping me from the world," and that maybe I was made for more. As for me, I'd always loved that my mom had been home when I was young and leaned in that direction. But, all of my studies in psychology had only confirmed it for me. Here's the funny part: I was convinced that I had five years and five years only to make a big impact on the direction of my kids' lives. That was my big reason. Boy, was I dumb.... Anyway, the issue was settled when I told him that, even though it would be hard for me to admit, there would always be someone who could do my job as well as I could. No one, however, could do my job of mothering as well as I, just by the fact that it was me doing it. I knew it would be important to my future kids that I wanted to be the one to spend the days with them. I had made the decision to give that my all. That was my bottom line reasoning. Lou accepted that, the decision was officially made, and we never looked back.
We didn't look back even when we were faced with our unforeseen circumstances above. I could have offered to work anyway to help him get our feet back on the ground. But I didn't. And thinking about it now, I realize that was a huge affirmation to him, that I had complete confidence in his abilities to figure it out and make it work on his end.... So, I just had to figure it out on my end. But I knew I would, with God's help. Even the mornings that I sat crying at the window, watching all of my neighbors going to work - dressed in their real-world clothes, mugs of steaming coffee in hand - even those mornings I knew I'd made the right decision. Even times like the night Lou and I were introduced to a room full of important men, he as the budding entrepreneur, me as (just) the expectant mother of twins; even with that huge ego sting, I knew I'd made the right decision. I knew with God's help, I'd figure it out.
Remember, It's a Fallen World
"To the woman He said:
'I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception:
In pain you shall bring forth your children;
Your desire shall be for your husband,
And he shall rule over you.'
Then to Adam He said, 'Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying 'You shall not eat of it':
Cursed is the ground for your sake;
In toil you shall eat of it
All the days of your life.
Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you,
And you shall eat the herbs of the field.
In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread
Till you return to the ground,
For out of it you were taken;
For dust you are,
And to dust you shall return.'"
Genesis 3:16-19
This is what God said to Adam and Eve immediately after the fall. He is speaking to them of the changes that would occur in their lives (in the world) because of the fall. Although we could spend months on the meaning and implications of this passage, for the purpose of this blog entry, here is the bottom line: Women, you're going to struggle having children, raising children, taking care of the family, and the relationships within it. Your task will not come easily to you. It will not go smoothly for you. Men, you're going to struggle in your work, and in providing for your family. It will not come easily to you. It will not go smoothly for you.
I "smh" to think that I was so convinced I had a five year window to impact my kids; and that I'd do it well, and all would be good. My reasons for staying at home should have had a lot more to do with the nature of living in a fallen world, and what that means to our day-to-day existence.
In my next entry, I'll explore this in more depth. I'll write specifically on my years staying home with my kids when they were pre-schoolers. I'll share the good things about being home those years and the pitfalls of being home those years, from my perspective. I'll also offer a few things for all moms of pre-schoolers to consider.
Kristin Divers
ACAC Member
*nod to my husband at age 25: We only attempted to make this move because he insisted we first have six months living expenses in the bank, so we had a little time before we were in real crisis. Way to go, Sweet Lou.
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